You Deserve To Be Happy

I was just thinking of my step daughter who was abused by her older brother. It was difficult to understand at the time why she had such bad behavior until she finally came out with what had happened to her. I went through a great deal of trauma as a child. However, the thought of what she went through deeply saddens me. The thought of a young woman being violated in such a manner by a family member is horrifying.

By the time I found out what her brother had done he had moved out and went to live with his father. Her mother just wanted to think that nothing had happened. The offender was the oldest of three children. He was actually his mother's favorite. Therefore, the thought he had done such horrible things was just not possible in her mind.

I did all that I could to make my daughter feel safe after she told what had happened to her. The girl's mother would talk on the phone with the rapist and tell him how wonderful she thought he was while her daughter could hear the conversation. This of course made the girl feel as if she were at fault. She thought that if her attacker was such a wonderful that she could not be very good.

As I think of what happened to my daughter I reflect how others must feel who have been abused sexually by someone close. A person in these types of circumstances does not know who to trust. Not only do they not trust, it must be difficult for them to even tell right from wrong. Think about it. You have a small child who is being abused by a parent. The parents are supposed to be a child's main example of right and wrong. Therefore, if a parent is doing something evil to a child, that child certainly is not learning what is good and what is bad behavior.

How then is a child who has been abused supposed to learn what proper behavior is? First, I hope and pray that the evil that is being perpetrated upon any child is discovered. Then once discovered the child would be removed and protected from the perpetrator. Once the child is in a safe environment it will take the proper love, understanding and therapy to help mold this young mind to where some sort of normalcy can be accomplished.

Well, that just sounds all rosy. What about the children who do not get removed from the abusive situation they are being raised in? What about them? How are they supposed to know what "normal" is? Hopefully, someone who has been in a situation like that will have other people around them that they see are living healthy happy lives and try to model themselves after them. The positive example could be anyone.

Also, remember what I wrote in my earlier blog. If you are being abused it is not your fault. If you are truly being abused you must tell someone. The biggest weapon an attacker has is fear. An abuser relies on his/her victims being afraid. This evil person can only keep this dirty secret if no one finds out. Telling someone about your abuse takes that power away from an attacker. Once a victim finds someone to trust and tells what is happening, then the victim has the power over the attacker.

If you are a victim of abuse you can gain power over your attacker by telling someone. Do not let this happen to you any longer. Take control of your life. The time we have here on earth is short and valuable. You should be able to savour each minute you are alive. You were not meant to live in fear of anyone else. Let someone know about your pain. There are many people in this world who will want to help you. Even if you are no longer in that situation. If your abuse was in the past your attacker still have control over you. Talk to someone. Do not let your nightmares rob you of anymore sleep. Do not let the fear control you. Take over and allow yourself to learn what happiness is all about.

Be Safe

Be Strong

Be Happy

You deserve to be.

You have done nothing wrong!

This is the second blog I have created. The first, www.prozacpilot.com, is directed more towards the aviation community. This blog comes from some thoughts I had today about surviving the abuse of my past. I have been through a great deal in my life, but I realize there are people who have suffered a great deal more. I would like to be able to reach out to those who suffer from childhood abuse and hopefully give them some power over their fears.

First, remember that you are not to blame. If you are being abused in anyway shape or form it is NOT your fault. Your abuser will of course attempt to make you feel you have done something wrong, but do not give him or her that power over you. If you blame yourself it only gives your abuser more power.

There are many forms of abuse. The most horrendous type being sexual abuse. Much of my childhood has been blocked out, but I think I am safe to say that I never was the victim of such atrocities. For those of you have have been abused in such a manner I cannot even imagine what pain you must suffer. Other types of abuse are physical and emotional.

Physical abuse of course is when one person hurts another physically. I do remember my father hitting me as a child. I am not talking about being spanked either. Emotional abuse is when the abuser uses harsh words to make the victim feel useless. My father would often call me dummy or stupid. I know he used many other words to attack me with, but these are the words I remember most.

I do not write these words to leash out at my father, I only wish to help others. I have forgiven my father years ago. However, it was not until after he had passed away that I was able to do so. Forgiving is not an easy thing to do. But not letting go of the past does nothing to help you progress towards healing.

If we do not forgive we continue to let our abuser have power over us.

There are many other things we can do to regain control of our lives. First, you must remember as I said earlier that it is NOT your fault. Most people who I know that have been abused blame themselves. Trying to rationalize why you have been abused will only further complicate things. Many people will rationalize that they abuse because they themselves were abused as a child. They may well have been, but the cycle must be broken. Being abused is not an excuse for abusing another.

It is especially difficult if your abuser is a parent. If your attacker is not a parent then you should let your parents know that someone is hurting you. Your abuser will have most likely told you not to tell anyone or something bad will happen. Well guess what. Something bad has already happen. It cannot get much worse than it already is. If you are still a minor and being abused by someone other than your parents then you should tell your parents.

However, if you are being abused by one or both of your parents then tell someone you trust. Tell a teacher or someone that you feel can help. Telling someone about your problem will help give you power. Your abuser can only maintain the control he or she has over you as long as the abuse remains a secret.

Remember, you have done nothing wrong. You are a victim. You have no reason to feel bad about yourself. You are a worthwhile person. You have had your innocence stolen from you by an uncaring person. Your abuser may tell you that he or she loves you. If this person truly loved you then he or she would not treat you in this manner.

Healing is not an overnight process. You will never forget what happened. The trick to getting better is learning to live with the reality of what has happened. Do not use the past as an excuse to fail at life. Healing cannot be done alone either. Get help. Anyone who has been abused should seek professional help. Medications for depression may be in order. Going on antidepressants was one of the most difficult decisions I have made. Since I was a pilot by trade I knew that going on medications would bring my career to a halt. But that is a different story. I also have a blog about pilots and antidepressants. If you want to read it the address is www.prozacpilot.com.

Once again, it is not your fault. Tell someone you trust about the abuse. Seek professional help by getting therapy or medications is needed.

You have done nothing wrong!

Prozac Pilot