You Deserve To Be Happy

I was just thinking of my step daughter who was abused by her older brother. It was difficult to understand at the time why she had such bad behavior until she finally came out with what had happened to her. I went through a great deal of trauma as a child. However, the thought of what she went through deeply saddens me. The thought of a young woman being violated in such a manner by a family member is horrifying.

By the time I found out what her brother had done he had moved out and went to live with his father. Her mother just wanted to think that nothing had happened. The offender was the oldest of three children. He was actually his mother's favorite. Therefore, the thought he had done such horrible things was just not possible in her mind.

I did all that I could to make my daughter feel safe after she told what had happened to her. The girl's mother would talk on the phone with the rapist and tell him how wonderful she thought he was while her daughter could hear the conversation. This of course made the girl feel as if she were at fault. She thought that if her attacker was such a wonderful that she could not be very good.

As I think of what happened to my daughter I reflect how others must feel who have been abused sexually by someone close. A person in these types of circumstances does not know who to trust. Not only do they not trust, it must be difficult for them to even tell right from wrong. Think about it. You have a small child who is being abused by a parent. The parents are supposed to be a child's main example of right and wrong. Therefore, if a parent is doing something evil to a child, that child certainly is not learning what is good and what is bad behavior.

How then is a child who has been abused supposed to learn what proper behavior is? First, I hope and pray that the evil that is being perpetrated upon any child is discovered. Then once discovered the child would be removed and protected from the perpetrator. Once the child is in a safe environment it will take the proper love, understanding and therapy to help mold this young mind to where some sort of normalcy can be accomplished.

Well, that just sounds all rosy. What about the children who do not get removed from the abusive situation they are being raised in? What about them? How are they supposed to know what "normal" is? Hopefully, someone who has been in a situation like that will have other people around them that they see are living healthy happy lives and try to model themselves after them. The positive example could be anyone.

Also, remember what I wrote in my earlier blog. If you are being abused it is not your fault. If you are truly being abused you must tell someone. The biggest weapon an attacker has is fear. An abuser relies on his/her victims being afraid. This evil person can only keep this dirty secret if no one finds out. Telling someone about your abuse takes that power away from an attacker. Once a victim finds someone to trust and tells what is happening, then the victim has the power over the attacker.

If you are a victim of abuse you can gain power over your attacker by telling someone. Do not let this happen to you any longer. Take control of your life. The time we have here on earth is short and valuable. You should be able to savour each minute you are alive. You were not meant to live in fear of anyone else. Let someone know about your pain. There are many people in this world who will want to help you. Even if you are no longer in that situation. If your abuse was in the past your attacker still have control over you. Talk to someone. Do not let your nightmares rob you of anymore sleep. Do not let the fear control you. Take over and allow yourself to learn what happiness is all about.

Be Safe

Be Strong

Be Happy

You deserve to be.