First, remember that you are not to blame. If you are being abused in anyway shape or form it is NOT your fault. Your abuser will of course attempt to make you feel you have done something wrong, but do not give him or her that power over you. If you blame yourself it only gives your abuser more power.
There are many forms of abuse. The most horrendous type being sexual abuse. Much of my childhood has been blocked out, but I think I am safe to say that I never was the victim of such atrocities. For those of you have have been abused in such a manner I cannot even imagine what pain you must suffer. Other types of abuse are physical and emotional.
Physical abuse of course is when one person hurts another physically. I do remember my father hitting me as a child. I am not talking about being spanked either. Emotional abuse is when the abuser uses harsh words to make the victim feel useless. My father would often call me dummy or stupid. I know he used many other words to attack me with, but these are the words I remember most.
I do not write these words to leash out at my father, I only wish to help others. I have forgiven my father years ago. However, it was not until after he had passed away that I was able to do so. Forgiving is not an easy thing to do. But not letting go of the past does nothing to help you progress towards healing.
If we do not forgive we continue to let our abuser have power over us.
There are many other things we can do to regain control of our lives. First, you must remember as I said earlier that it is NOT your fault. Most people who I know that have been abused blame themselves. Trying to rationalize why you have been abused will only further complicate things. Many people will rationalize that they abuse because they themselves were abused as a child. They may well have been, but the cycle must be broken. Being abused is not an excuse for abusing another.
It is especially difficult if your abuser is a parent. If your attacker is not a parent then you should let your parents know that someone is hurting you. Your abuser will have most likely told you not to tell anyone or something bad will happen. Well guess what. Something bad has already happen. It cannot get much worse than it already is. If you are still a minor and being abused by someone other than your parents then you should tell your parents.
However, if you are being abused by one or both of your parents then tell someone you trust. Tell a teacher or someone that you feel can help. Telling someone about your problem will help give you power. Your abuser can only maintain the control he or she has over you as long as the abuse remains a secret.
Remember, you have done nothing wrong. You are a victim. You have no reason to feel bad about yourself. You are a worthwhile person. You have had your innocence stolen from you by an uncaring person. Your abuser may tell you that he or she loves you. If this person truly loved you then he or she would not treat you in this manner.
Healing is not an overnight process. You will never forget what happened. The trick to getting better is learning to live with the reality of what has happened. Do not use the past as an excuse to fail at life. Healing cannot be done alone either. Get help. Anyone who has been abused should seek professional help. Medications for depression may be in order. Going on antidepressants was one of the most difficult decisions I have made. Since I was a pilot by trade I knew that going on medications would bring my career to a halt. But that is a different story. I also have a blog about pilots and antidepressants. If you want to read it the address is www.prozacpilot.com.
Once again, it is not your fault. Tell someone you trust about the abuse. Seek professional help by getting therapy or medications is needed.
You have done nothing wrong!
Prozac Pilot
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